


Asking

by sunrise_and_death



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Communication, M/M, Sex Education
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 13:33:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12190902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunrise_and_death/pseuds/sunrise_and_death
Summary: Once he’s logged in to the computer, he pulls up the search engine—so familiar to him from the days when he would obsessively check the news—and stalls out.What should he even search?Sex, he types one-handed.Or Neil is inexperienced and trying to figure things out.





	Asking

**Author's Note:**

> Nora has said in her extra content that Neil learns sex ed via some handy internet research on school computers. Which is great! Yay Neil for not being self-conscious AT ALL and just doing sex research where anyone can see.
> 
> Since some of us are VERY self-conscious, this is my thought-experiment on how Neil would figure things out alternatively.

It’s been a long time since anyone has thought of Neil as quiet. And sure, he’s got a reputation of mouthing off to the press—or basically anyone he’s got a problem with. He’s vice captain now too, which means any reserve he had left is slowly fading away since telling people what to do is his job now.

But, like this, he always has been quiet. With Andrew pressing him down into the bed, their lips locked, he’s never graduated beyond a gasp. Maybe it’s because the whole thing feels too private to bring sound into, or maybe it’s because they’re always kissing so he never really has air for anything else. Either way, it’s months into their relationship when they’re making out on Andrew’s bed and Andrew’s leg falls _just_ right between his and he moans.

It’s still a soft sound. But compared to the usual mostly silent soundtrack of their quick, muted breathing, it seems shockingly loud. Neil freezes, hands still threaded through Andrew’s hair, as Andrew pulls back to look at him.

There are no clues to be found in Andrew’s face; it’s as blank as ever. Neil can read him better than anyone else, but that doesn’t mean he always understands what Andrew’s thinking. He doesn’t think he’s angry, but he slowly moves his hands off Andrew to lay on the bed, just in case.

“Was that bad?” he asks when Andrew’s flat look doesn’t change. “I can try not to,” he offers. Try, because he wasn’t aware he was going to do it in the first place. He’s never made a sound like that before and he has no idea where it came from.

Andrew’s eyebrows shift infinitesimally and Neil is familiar enough with that particular look. Most other people wouldn’t be able to see it, but he can practically read “idiot” on the lines of Andrew’s face. He huffs out a little breath, trying not to smile or look too relieved, and reaches back up to frame Andrew’s face with his hands. “Yes or no?”

Instead of answering, Andrew leans in to kisses him again. And if Neil is a little noisier that time than he ever has been before, they both ignore it.

 

*

 

He can’t stop thinking about it afterwards. It doesn’t help that it’s May; the school year is over and summer practices haven’t started yet. Kevin’s more of a walking human disaster than ever since Riko’s death, so even their sporadic practices don’t do much to distract Neil. With Nicky in Germany and Aaron with Katelyn, it’s just him and Andrew at the house in Columbia. Which is good, but leaves him with way too much time.

Neil can vaguely remember looking at girls before his mother shook it out of him, but he can’t remember if there was any real intent behind it. He remembers the few kisses he’d had as mediocre, and not just on a technical level. He’d been able to tell the difference that very first time Andrew kissed him—something there that hadn’t been there with the girls.

“ _I don’t swing. The only one I’m interested in is you_.” 

He’d said it and he meant it. He’s had a year with the Foxes now, a year at Palmetto, and he hasn’t noticed anyone except Andrew that way. He’s never thought it was a problem before.

He’s still not sure it’s one now, except he’s got the feeling he’s walking blind into the unknown. And Andrew’s got lines and boundaries Neil could trip over simply due to inexperience.

Neil stares at Andrew over dinner that night until Andrew threatens to stab him.

 

*

 

Palmetto State’s library has limited hours over the summer, but it stays open for faculty and students with summer classes. Neil is neither of those things, but he ducks in anyway and takes a seat in the near-empty computer lab. Once he’s logged in to the computer, he pulls up the search engine—so familiar to him from the days when he would obsessively check the news—and stalls out.

What should he even search? _Sex_ , he types one-handed, before deleting it quickly. _What to expect from sex_ , he tries. Most of the results seem geared toward women.

He hesitates, then types, _gay sex_. He clicks on the first link that pops up without examining it.

It’s porn.

He exits out the page as quickly as possible, wipes the search history, and leaves the library with his cheeks still burning.

 

*

 

The house at Columbia has a desktop in the living room. Neil has never seen it used; he suspects it’s a remnant from when the cousins had actually lived there. It’s a stark contrast to Andrew’s car or Aaron’s laptop, extremely old and clunky.

“Does it actually work?” Neil asks Andrew one night while they’re playing video games. Neil hasn’t really grasped the mechanics or point of the game, but he’s sure he’s losing badly. Andrew, on the other hand, seems intent as he massacres what Neil thinks are zombies.

“Yes,” he answers, and mashes one finger fiercely against a button on the controller. “But we don’t pay for internet here anymore.”

Which means it’s useless to Neil. He knows Abby has a working computer, but that would be even worse than the school computer. There must be books or movies he could check out, but he has no idea where to find them. Even if he did, he’s not sure how he’d explain to Andrew what he was doing.

The sound cuts out from the TV. Neil glances up to see Andrew has paused the game to look at him. “What?” he asks.

“You used the computer at the school library earlier today,” Andrew says. “What do you need with that one?”

“Research,” he answers honestly.

“On what?”

Neil does not have nervous ticks; his mother trained them out of him. But he wishes he had a cigarette in his hand, or something to distract him. “I’ve never done this before. With anyone.” He sets his controller down and twists a little to face Andrew. “I know the basics, but I thought I should be better prepared.”

Andrew does not flinch away, as some part of Neil had worried he would, and he does not deny that there is a this. He looks at Neil for a long moment, then gets up and heads into the kitchen. Neil listens to his soft footsteps, the sound of cabinets opening and closing, the splash of liquid into a glass. Andrew returns with a bottle of whisky and two glasses already half-full. He settles them on the unbalanced table in front of the couch and nudges one glass toward Neil. He downs the other in one go, before facing Neil again.

“You looked online,” he prompts.

Neil takes his own glass and runs a finger over the rim. “Yes,” he says. “But it was all for women. Or porn.”

One of Andrew’s eyebrows raises. “Did you watch any?”

“I was at the library,” Neil reminds him, grimacing a little. “Besides, the pictures for the videos looked… weird.”

“So you didn’t get your answers.”

“No.”

Andrew brings one of his legs up to his chest and leans his cheek against it. “You could always just ask.”

“Who, Nicky?” Neil winces. “I’d really rather not.”

Andrew points calmly at his own face.

Neil rubs his thumbs over the glass in his hands. Inside, the whisky swirls gently, lapping against the sides. “I didn’t think you would want to,” he says slowly. He doesn’t have to say why.

There’s a long pause. Then Andrew scoots closer, takes the glass out of Neil’s hands, and sets it on the table. He reaches up beside Neil’s face. “Yes or no?”

Confused but slightly relieved, Neil nods. “Yes,” he says for good measure.

Andrew flicks his ear.

Hissing at the unexpected sting, Neil bats his hand away and pulls back. He opens his mouth to complain but Andrew beats him to it. “Did you consent to that?”

“No!”

“Because you didn’t know what I was going to do,” Andrew continues. When Neil nods, Andrew splays his hands out like he’s proved something. When Neil continues to stare, baffled, Andrew huffs. “Consent without knowledge isn’t real consent. If you say yes, I need to know you know what you’re saying yes to.”

“Oh.” Neil reaches up to skim his fingers over his ear. The sting has already eased.

Andrew cups a hand around the back of his neck. “Abram,” he says, “if you want to know something, ask.”

Neil leans into Andrew’s firm grasp, his unshakeable weight. “And if it makes you uncomfortable—”

“I will tell you.”

“Okay,” Neil agrees, “it’s a deal.” He leans forward. Andrew kisses just the same as he always does, sure and hot and fierce. 

 

*

 

Later, Neil stares at Andrew next to him in bed. He knows he should clean himself up soon, but for now he is enjoying the sight of Andrew shirtless beside him, evidently too relaxed to bother commenting on Neil’s gaze.

“The noise,” he says finally, because it had happened again, but louder this time. “Is it okay?”

Andrew lolls his head to the side to look at Neil. “Is that what set you off?” he asks. “I hated it just as much as I hate everything else you do.”

Neil hides his smile in his pillow. “So it was fine.”

Andrew turns his gaze back to the ceiling. “Your favorite word.”

Neil knows he won’t get anything else out of Andrew on the subject. He scoots closer nonetheless. “I just didn’t expect it,” he volunteers. “I’ve never done that before.” He gives Andrew a moment in case he wants to respond, then continues. “It wasn’t as if anything we were doing was new. I don’t know what was different.”

With a small sigh, Andrew rolls his entire body to face Neil. “I am not your psychologist,” he says. “But if I had to guess. You were in a place you felt safe, and you knew there weren’t other people around. You were comfortable enough to not censor your reactions.”

Neil toys with the idea in his mind. It’s more plausible than most of the explanations he’s come up with. “I always feel safe with you,” he says though, because it’s true. Andrew shoves a pillow over his face.

 

*

 

(Later, when he realizes Neil has never seen any, Andrew brings out porn that Neil suspects is Nicky’s and puts it on the TV for him to watch. Neil can only stand it for a couple of minutes before he turns to Andrew and says, “I’ll just ask.”)

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://sunrise-and-death.tumblr.com).


End file.
